Tuesday, June 15, 2010


Dear Football,
Bust out the nachos, have Anne bring the sausage dip, light the grill and burn some meat, grab some chips, put on my jersy and pour me a beer. from my sofa on a hot summers day watching you from the comfort of my air conditioned living room... on a cold, super cold, Cleveland winter day in the safeness of my basement party palace...... Rain, snow, sleet, wind, heat....Then of course the cool crisp fall days.... not just any fall days but in particular the lazy Sundays that beg the question, what else is there to do, but WATCH FOOTBALL!Tailgating, foam fingers, hot chocolates, drunk people, tight football pants, delicious specimens of tall, dark and handsome men sporting masculine ink down their arms, sports announcers, and for the devoted Cleveland Browns fan there is no anthem quite as charming as "Who Let the Dogs Out". Instant replays and heart felt cheering. Best of all the excitement of the slow motion replay 5 times over to see if he is in or not. a great reason to throw a party or an even better reason to talk back to the television when you are watching alone.
If it werent enough to love watching the game, i love to play it too. But not just any pick up game of football will i play. I like my Saturday football days. There is nothing like them. Grab the stanky sports bag, if it hasnt already been baking in your trunk since last saturday. Clap the dried mud from your cleats. the smelly, yet much needed, recieveing gloves get pulled from the damp depths of your bag. gatorade, water... both to hydrate you while playing and likely to nurse others from their hangovers (you know who you are fellas!)i start drinking beer at half time. big plays, long passes on that first drive, gender plays, shovel passes, the occassional nipple shot, creative team names, refs that walk a fine line between just being refs and wanting to be much much more with all the ladies, bad calls, broken fingers,blisters and pulled muslces, my ultimate favorite - the tip toe sideline catches, playing in the mud, playing in the rain, or playing a tournament in 90 degree sun drenched heat.Guys that re-hash every play of every game and girls that dont, friends and foes, bros and hoes, one game or 4 depending on who needs more players. Then there comes the all day after party at the bar post playing time.Patio drinking time, pitchers, stoli-Os, the best spiked apple cider ever.... and no Saturday would be complete without the joy of Edisons pizza! the honey...mmm, its all about that honey!!!
A long day of drinking makes going out on a Saturday night difficult and any hope for a productive Sunday down right impossible.
I may not know all the rules of the sport, i may not know the individual players' stats, or remember a play from a previous game. I dont wear a helmet and i dont wear pads. But i know what it feels like to play. I know what it feels like to win or to watch my team win. I know how to drink and i enjoy it. I know that when football season starts its right around my birthday and when it ends its just about Valentines Day.
Oh my dearest football, i KNOW I am a fan!
Love, Me Mousepants
P.S. I am also a fan of Futbol. Just saying.

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