Dear Tuesday

Dear Tuesday-
Its been a long day. But here i am. I have had a strange request this week. It will not surprise you that this strange request came out of mid day drinking on the patio after a long football Saturday. Stranger things have happened on Saturday football days. This request, nay....let me say CHALLENGE, was to sucessfully write an entertaining blog based solely on two topics.. 1) Jenny, a good friend and boisterous young lady of whom i met during what else??..... Football. and 2)seafood, or more specifically scalloping. How on Earth is Mousepants going to do this, you may be asking yourself. But my dearest Tuesday, i will not disappoint. I have decided to paint a verbal picture to you of what it may be like for Jenny to go scalloping.

Its a beautiful tropic day and a light breeze blows off the ocean water and leaves salt on your skin. Jenny is just finishing up her morning cigarette with a tall glass of yingling, it makes no difference that it is before noon. She goes insides to prepare for her scalloping day. She liberally sprays on some SPF 50. Her fair skin can take no more sunburn. She makes two peanut butter sandwhiches on hot dog buns. To make it on white bread seems too predictable and let me assure you the hot dog bun sammys taste better anyway. She packs a cooler of beer, grabs her sunglasses and smokes and heads out for her adventure. Its smoldering outside. she is sweating and already craving her next brewski. If there are friends of hers on this adventure be ready for her boisterous entrance that may include but is not limited to, screaming, butt smacking, sarcastic put downs, hugs, kisses or chest bumps. The snorkel and goggles smooosh her little cheeks. the water is warm and welcomes her and the rest of her scalloping clan with open arms. the ocean doesnt really have arms but if it did, it would hug Jenny, im sure of it. Jenny would bob around on the top of the water, her butt in teh air like a bobber on a fishing line. She would aggressively dive down to reach her scallops. She would have it no other way than to be agressive because thats just how she is. I imagine she woudl reach the top and forget her snorkel is full of water and inevitably choke on nasty sea water. This would make her mad. At that point Jenny would have had enough scalloping. She would slowly retreat to the sand where she would enjoy a beer, a peanut butter sammich, and a cigarette while she watches and undoubtedly makes fun of the others butts floating on the water. For Jenny is not a scalloper but indeed a football player and before that even a beer drinker, a funny person and a good friend.
Now if you are looking for a good scalloper, call Jodie.

So... thats how its done.
Mousepants SINGING OFF! BAM!

Football

Dear Football,
Bust out the nachos, have Anne bring the sausage dip, light the grill and burn some meat, grab some chips, put on my jersy and pour me a beer. from my sofa on a hot summers day watching you from the comfort of my air conditioned living room... on a cold, super cold, Cleveland winter day in the safeness of my basement party palace...... Rain, snow, sleet, wind, heat....Then of course the cool crisp fall days.... not just any fall days but in particular the lazy Sundays that beg the question, what else is there to do, but WATCH FOOTBALL!Tailgating, foam fingers, hot chocolates, drunk people, tight football pants, delicious specimens of tall, dark and handsome men sporting masculine ink down their arms, sports announcers, and for the devoted Cleveland Browns fan there is no anthem quite as charming as "Who Let the Dogs Out". Instant replays and heart felt cheering. Best of all the excitement of the slow motion replay 5 times over to see if he is in or not. a great reason to throw a party or an even better reason to talk back to the television when you are watching alone.
If it werent enough to love watching the game, i love to play it too. But not just any pick up game of football will i play. I like my Saturday football days. There is nothing like them. Grab the stanky sports bag, if it hasnt already been baking in your trunk since last saturday. Clap the dried mud from your cleats. the smelly, yet much needed, recieveing gloves get pulled from the damp depths of your bag. gatorade, water... both to hydrate you while playing and likely to nurse others from their hangovers (you know who you are fellas!)i start drinking beer at half time. big plays, long passes on that first drive, gender plays, shovel passes, the occassional nipple shot, creative team names, refs that walk a fine line between just being refs and wanting to be much much more with all the ladies, bad calls, broken fingers,blisters and pulled muslces, my ultimate favorite - the tip toe sideline catches, playing in the mud, playing in the rain, or playing a tournament in 90 degree sun drenched heat.Guys that re-hash every play of every game and girls that dont, friends and foes, bros and hoes, one game or 4 depending on who needs more players. Then there comes the all day after party at the bar post playing time.Patio drinking time, pitchers, stoli-Os, the best spiked apple cider ever.... and no Saturday would be complete without the joy of Edisons pizza! the honey...mmm, its all about that honey!!!
A long day of drinking makes going out on a Saturday night difficult and any hope for a productive Sunday down right impossible.
I may not know all the rules of the sport, i may not know the individual players' stats, or remember a play from a previous game. I dont wear a helmet and i dont wear pads. But i know what it feels like to play. I know what it feels like to win or to watch my team win. I know how to drink and i enjoy it. I know that when football season starts its right around my birthday and when it ends its just about Valentines Day.
Oh my dearest football, i KNOW I am a fan!
Love, Me Mousepants
P.S. I am also a fan of Futbol. Just saying.