Its been a long day. But here i am. I have had a strange request this week. It will not surprise you that this strange request came out of mid day drinking on the patio after a long football Saturday. Stranger things have happened on Saturday football days. This request, nay....let me say CHALLENGE, was to sucessfully write an entertaining blog based solely on two topics.. 1) Jenny, a good friend and boisterous young lady of whom i met during what else??..... Football. and 2)seafood, or more specifically scalloping. How on Earth is Mousepants going to do this, you may be asking yourself. But my dearest Tuesday, i will not disappoint. I have decided to paint a verbal picture to you of what it may be like for Jenny to go scalloping.
Its a beautiful tropic day and a light breeze blows off the ocean water and leaves salt on your skin. Jenny is just finishing up her morning cigarette with a tall glass of yingling, it makes no difference that it is before noon. She goes insides to prepare for her scalloping day. She liberally sprays on some SPF 50. Her fair skin can take no more sunburn. She makes two peanut butter sandwhiches on hot dog buns. To make it on white bread seems too predictable and let me assure you the hot dog bun sammys taste better anyway. She packs a cooler of beer, grabs her sunglasses and smokes and heads out for her adventure. Its smoldering outside. she is sweating and already craving her next brewski. If there are friends of hers on this adventure be ready for her boisterous entrance that may include but is not limited to, screaming, butt smacking, sarcastic put downs, hugs, kisses or chest bumps. The snorkel and goggles smooosh her little cheeks. the water is warm and welcomes her and the rest of her scalloping clan with open arms. the ocean doesnt really have arms but if it did, it would hug Jenny, im sure of it. Jenny would bob around on the top of the water, her butt in teh air like a bobber on a fishing line. She would aggressively dive down to reach her scallops. She would have it no other way than to be agressive because thats just how she is. I imagine she woudl reach the top and forget her snorkel is full of water and inevitably choke on nasty sea water. This would make her mad. At that point Jenny would have had enough scalloping. She would slowly retreat to the sand where she would enjoy a beer, a peanut butter sammich, and a cigarette while she watches and undoubtedly makes fun of the others butts floating on the water. For Jenny is not a scalloper but indeed a football player and before that even a beer drinker, a funny person and a good friend.
Now if you are looking for a good scalloper, call Jodie.
So... thats how its done.
Mousepants SINGING OFF! BAM!