Tuesday, June 22, 2010

road rage rant

Dear drivers,
Two lane roads are usually depicted by a dashed line down the center of them. When these lines dont exist sometimes there is a sign allowing the formation of two lanes of traffic. When neither of these exist its a one lane road. By one lane i mean, ONE. UNO. not one and a half, not two that merges into one (because there is a sign for that too). So stop spazzing out behind me because im blocking your way. Truth is, i could sense your ridiculous- pain-in-the-ass-road-rage-attitude 100 feet back when you were tailing me so i decided to block your way. Had you been a nice human being with a sensible urgency to work in the morning but with perhaps a smile on your face, i may have considered pulling my car slihgtly over into the distressed road side to give you enough room to squeeze by. Moving on.... to the drivers who do not participate in the courtesy wave... you can go to H-E double hockey sticks. at 5:15pm after a long Monday im in just as much of a hurry to get home as most others and getting out of downtown is no easy task. If you would like to move over from your lane to mine because maybe you forgot the correct lane you needed to be in, or maybe you are new to this traffic pattern, visiting for the day etc..., maybe you tried to beat a red light to expedite your travels and now your approaching your on ramp too quickly and fear you will miss the chance to get over...whatever the case may be im usually the one to let people over. I dont mind really. I believe in good road karma. All i ask is for the wave. The thank you. the nod in the rear view mirror to ackowledge that i just let you basically cut me in line. If you neglect this gesture i will undoubtedly curse you and call you names, i may even mock you, and share a delighted wave to you accompanied by a thumbs up.Then- To Buses and Semi trucks, moving vans and all else bigger than my hatchback. Just because your vehicle is larger than mine does not give you grounds to drive like a moron. use your mirrors for crying out loud. your blind spot is going to be a little bigger than mine so please double check before you run me off the road. Also, turn signals are not an engineering device. They are quite easy to use. so Use them. For people who have road rage and take it out on nice drivers. Like when you honk your horn at a person who waited 5 seconds to accelorate when the light turned green UNNECESARY! Or to the person who screams and shouts at the person going the speed limit not only because its the limit by law but also because there is another car in front of them also going slower but you cant see theothe other person so instead you act like an insensative and assuming dillweed. to the business man in the beamer that in rush hour traffic, when clearly there has been an accident and we must all merge over to the left lanes, he thinks now is his chance to high tail it up the right lane as far as it goes and some one will let him over way up there...too all of you and so many others, when i see this sort of thing happen i will take sides. If i can block you from getting over, i will.
Lets see- what else.... Loud base is over rated kids, give it a rest already. And if that is your thing that you like to do ---two things 1)make sure you can at least hear if a fire truck is coming.2) after 9pm, have some respect for your neighbors and turn it down.
Oh and Miss Perky Pixi Dust girlie goober with the big sunglasses on... smoking, talking on the phone and driving in rush hour is a recipe for disaster. You would think that you would want to take better care of the car that your DAddy undoubtedly bought for you.
Mergers. Whether its 8am or 2pm it doesnt matter. its the same concept at any time of day. You have to be somewhat agressive while also being considerate of the highway drivers. Dont be the person that merges at a ridiculously slow pace inevitably only merging because you have run out of room. It causes accidents. Not only do you confuse the people riving 30 mph faster than you on the freeway but the fellow mergers behind you are also put at risk.Also, dont be the merger that goes from the on ramp to the third lane over in 3 seconds with no signaling... you also cause accidents and you are jerks. But with all that said.... highway drivers... just because the sign says THEY have to merge, THINK. If you are capable of moving over to another lane, do so. If you can tell that there are 3 cars merging on and there is no room between you and the car in front of you, begin to make room by slowing down!
Ok that is all...

To the drivers that use their turn signal, who dont drive too slow but feel no need to go so fast, to those who confidently drive in the cleveland snow without being stupid or daring, to the drivers that have let me over in the past, and the ones that let me out of the parking lot after i have bene waiting for 10 minutes, drivers that use the courtesy wave, that dont have excessive rear view mirror ornaments... thank you so much!
And have a good day drivers!
Love, Me Mousepants

1 comment:

  1. I am all of those good things, and nothing bad except for the pulling into the fast lane immediately from the on ramp. However at this point I'm already going above the posted speed limit as not to slow other drivers.